


Dares You to Change

by PorcupineGirl



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Chirping, Coming Out, Established Relationship, George finds out first, M/M, Secret Relationship, closeted jack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-17
Updated: 2016-06-17
Packaged: 2018-07-15 13:19:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7223881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PorcupineGirl/pseuds/PorcupineGirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Jack has imagined this moment so many times. The reality is so much harder.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>"Zimmboni, you have friend here to visit! Out in hall." Tater exclaims as he comes into the locker room. "He says is from college?"</i>
</p><p>Bitty comes down to Providence for a Falconers game for the first time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dares You to Change

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by some sketch on Ngozi's Patreon stuff, a half-finished panel from an upcoming comic with silly fake dialogue scribbled over it. It got me thinking about how Jack will feel when Bitty comes to his first Falconers game. :)
> 
> Title from "Under Pressure."

Jack has imagined this moment so many times. The reality is so much harder.

"Zimmboni, you have friend here to visit! Out in hall." Tater exclaims as he comes into the locker room. "He says is from college?"

"Oh, yeah," Jack says, hoping no one can hear the way his heart is hammering in his chest. "We played on the same line."

"You sure you are talking about right friend?" Tater raises an eyebrow. "This is little guy, like yea high."

Jack laughs. "Yeah, that's Bittle. Don't judge a book by its cover—he could give a lot of pros a run for their money in the speed department."

"Ah, is fast!" Tater does a slightly hilarious impression of a short but fast person zig-zagging between other players with a hockey stick. "Yes, yes, I see it now."

"I'd, uh. I'd better go say hi," Jack says with a shrug.

He goes out into the hallway, and stops short. Bitty is leaning against the wall, phone in hand. He doesn't see Jack yet.

But Jack… oh, Jack sees him. Jack sees the way his hair flops over his forehead as he looks down. The way his biceps shift under his t-shirt sleeves as he types away on the phone. The way he bites his lip, making Jack want to suck it into his own mouth.

He can't do this.

How can he do this?

How can he possibly be in the same room as this man and pretend he isn't madly in love?

But this is his life, for now. For at least a year, maybe two or three. He has no real idea when he'll be able to come out, even just to his teammates.

So for now, he has to find some way to pretend. Pretend he's never watched this man's face contort in ecstasy, never buried himself deep inside of him. Pretend he's not already imagining a future together, a _long_ future together, even if they've only been dating a few months. Pretend the love of his life isn't standing here. Just a friend.

He calls up memories of a year ago, to try and recall what it was like to see Bitty as just a friend… but it backfires. The problem is, he didn't see him as a friend back then, he just wasn't bright enough to realize it. But now, with 20/20 hindsight, he can see it clear as day. Jack remembers every trip to get coffee, the way he could wind Bittle up with one well-placed question and listen to him rant for half an hour, never tiring of that soft drawl. He remembers how nervous he was to bake together, how much he wanted to impress Bittle—or, at least, not embarrass himself terribly. How Bittle smiled at him a little differently that day, and something strange happened to his breathing.

The truth is, he hasn't seen Bitty as just a friend for a _long_ time, much longer than he ever realized, and he's not sure he remembers how to act like he does.

"Hey." Jack scuffs one toe behind himself like a fucking sixteen-year-old about to ask someone to prom as the man he's given a dozen blowjobs to looks up.

Which doesn't help the situation at all, because for a moment Bitty's face brightens and almost glows, the same as it does every time he sees Jack after they've been apart. If Jack had his face under control at all, he probably doesn't now.

Luckily, Bitty seems to realize what he's doing quickly. He glances away as he stows his phone in his pocket, and when he looks back there's a light in his eyes but his friendly smile is carefully constructed.

They move toward each other, but stop awkwardly with a safe two feet of space between them. Bitty laughs.

"Hi, Jack," he says. He rolls his eyes, still laughing softly. _Look at us, this is ridiculous, we're ridiculous_ , he doesn't say.

Jack laughs, too, finally.

"Glad you could make it," he says.

"Well, thanks for getting me the all-access pass." Bitty tugs at the pass on the lanyard around his neck. "I just came back here to let you know I made it down and wish you luck, really. We can catch up after the game."

"Right, sure." Catch up. Yes, they're buddies who don't see each other often and definitely don't talk on the phone or Skype at least once a day and need to _catch up_. Jack scratches the back of his head and leans in, only just enough that he can lower his voice. "This is weirder than I expected."

Bitty shrugs, shoving his hands in his pockets. Jack wonders if he did that to keep them from reaching out to him. "I know. We'll get used to it. Just pretend I'm Shitty."

Now _that_ has Jack cracking up, one hand over his eyes. "I'm pretty sure the first time Shitty visits, everyone really will think I'm sleeping with him."

"Oh, sorry, am I not groping you enough to be Shitty?" Bitty is snickering, too. "Should I maybe caress your hair softly or talk about your ass more?"

For a split second, hearing Bitty refer to his ass sends Jack's heart into his throat. _Chirping is safe_ , he reminds himself. Just two hockey bros making no-homo jokes.

"Or caress my ass softly."

Bitty is suddenly looking anywhere but Jack's face again.

"Lord, there are so many things I could say to that." Jack had no idea Bitty could move his mouth so little while talking. He can barely hear him. "I'll save 'em for after the game."

The thought of _after the game_ and all that that might entail is far too enticing. Suddenly the corridor seems narrower, the eyes and ears walking past closer.

"Speaking of, I should go finish getting ready. Meet you here after?"

"Sure thing. Good luck." For just a second, Bitty's smile is soft and radiant again, but then he bites his lip and it's gone.

Jack swallows down the impulse to say _I love you_ and just nods before turning back to the locker room.

When he gets there, he immediately grabs his phone and texts it instead.

The reply is almost immediate.

_Love you, too._

_Can't wait to caress your ass later._

Jack snorts and shoots back _Okay, Shitty._ Then he shoves his phone in his bag before he's tempted to spend any more time typing the things to Bitty that he can't say out loud. Can't say out loud here, anyhow.

"You better get goal tonight," Tater says from behind him. "Your friend is come all the way here, you must give him good show."

"I'll see what I can do," Jack says as he starts to pull on his gear.

"When is your girl coming to game?" Tater asks. Jack is glad he's facing the other way so Tater can't see his face. "You get goal for her, she give you better than fist bump you get from friend, yes?"

"Uh. Yeah. Sure." Jack is proud that he manages to get anything out over the abrupt halt his brain has come to while picturing ways Bitty might reward him later tonight for getting a goal.

Luckily, Tater moves on and doesn't seem to notice that Jack never answered his first question.

Jack grits his teeth.

 _It will get easier_ , he tells himself. They'll get better at lying, better at pretending. It won't hurt so much. It will become routine.

The thought turns his stomach, makes his mouth taste sour.

Unfortunately, the thought of coming out before he's established himself as an irreplaceable player makes his skin flush hot and cold and his breath come quicker before it makes his stomach churn with shame.

So he's sort of stuck with the first one, even if he feels like Marley's ghost, lies draped around him like chains.

He does manage to get a goal.

It feels great, scoring during this first-ever NHL home opener—but it feels even better when he catches sight of Bitty in the crowd, beaming at him. For just a second, as their eyes connect, the stadium falls away and Jack's world narrows down to the path their gazes cut through space between the two of them. Then a teammate collides into him and the moment passes, but he knows that that feeling will stick with him. That every goal he gets that doesn't come with a moment like that will feel a little hollow by comparison.

He thinks maybe that's why, by the time he's back the locker room, Tater's teasing about "his girl" is grating on him worse than ever. And why, while the thought of coming out publicly still has him edging on a panic attack, the thought of maybe coming out to one or two trusted people actually calms his roiling stomach.

He has to hide his relationship. There's no getting around that.

But at the same time, he feels a pulsing need to show the entire world how lucky he is—or, at least, some small sliver of the world.

After the game, he showers and changes quickly. He fidgets his way through the press, feeling more robotic than usual as he suppresses the urge to say truly ridiculous things like _the goal was terrific, but the best part was the look on my boyfriend's face, he's beautiful and you should all look at him_. The reporters are clearly annoyed that he's not more excited to talk about such a successful first home game, but it's not like he's ever given them reason to expect him to be excited to talk about anything.

He finally escapes, and focuses on schooling his face as he goes through the crowded corridor behind the locker rooms looking for Bitty. There are so many more people around now, he knows he has to get himself under control _before_ he sees Bitty or he may as well be holding up a sign.

He thinks he does a pretty good job of keeping his smile friendly and the quick hug he accepts from his boyfriend bro-y enough not to draw attention. For his part, Bitty looks sincerely excited for Jack, and any other emotions are subsumed enough by that to be indistinguishable to anyone but Jack.

"Are you expected to go celebrate with the team?" Bitty asks, sounding for all the world as though he's _not_ actually saying _please can we go be alone now_.

"I think some of the guys are, but I'm beat. You're still crashing at my place, right?" Jack sounds impressively casual to his own ears, and wishes he could dredge up some of this sudden acting ability in front of the cameras.

"Absolutely! As if you'd let me drive down here and leave without baking you a single pie." Bitty swats him on the arm, and they both laugh at the inanity of the words they're saying as compared to the conversation they'd really like to be having. It's a bit less awkward than before the game, but Jack feels his breath catch anyhow as he weighs the safety of various responses. The need to choose his words carefully presses in on him.

The only thing keeping him steady is the fact that they're about to go home.

 _Home_. It's not _their home_ just yet, not really, but Jack lets himself think of it as such for a moment. Someday. They'll get there. Hopefully by then, they won't have to hide, at least not as much. Maybe not at all.

Just as he's thinking this, George walks by. And before he even realizes what he's about to do, Jack reaches out and tugs on her arm to stop her.

"George! Do you have a minute?"

He knows she's busy right after a game, but she smiles, warm and genuine. "I bet I can find you three. What's up, Jack?"

Jack glances at Bitty, who is standing there politely, assuming that Jack has some quick hockey-related piece of business he has to finish up before they leave.

"Can we talk somewhere a little more private?" He asks, turning back to George. "Your office, maybe?"

George frowns for just a second, but nods. "Sure. C'mon."

She walks off, and Jack motions for Bitty to join them as he follows. Bitty looks confused, but quickly falls in step next to Jack.

They follow her right into her office, and when she turns around at her desk, she's clearly startled to see Bitty there. Jack closes the door.

"You remember Eric Bittle?" He motions between them. "From Samwell?"

"Of course I do," George says, still puzzled as to why he's in her office. "Did you enjoy the game?"

"Oh, of course, ma'am. Absolutely." Jack knows he's just as confused, but he doesn't let it ruffle his manners for a second. "Not hard to enjoy a game when this one's playing, of course."

Jack hesitates for half a second, realizing that he maybe should have warned Bitty instead of springing into action without actually thinking it through first—but, no, they've discussed this. They both agree that it definitely can't become public knowledge before Bitty comes out to his parents, but that telling individual trustworthy people would be fine. George was even on the list.

Luckily, his mouth is running way ahead of his brain tonight, so he's not even finished reasoning through all of that before he hears himself blurting out, "Eric is my boyfriend." A sharp gasp from next to him. "We're dating. For a few months now."

"Oh my goodness!" Jack finally looks over to see Bitty with his hand clapped over his mouth. Jack tenses for a second, thinking he's screwed up—but when the hand drops to rest over Bitty's heart, the smile it reveals makes everything worth it. " _Jack_!"

"Okay." Jack looks back to George, whose eyebrows have shot up but who seems otherwise unshaken. Her words are slow, measured, professional. "Thank you for telling me. How public do you want this knowledge to be?"

Jack shakes his head. "Not at all. Not yet. Someday, but. I just—I needed someone to know. I couldn't breathe."

He looks back toward Bitty, who is gazing at him like he's just reached up and pulled the stars out the sky for him.

"Bits, stop it," he says gently, but he's smiling. "I didn't save you from a burning building."

"I'm sorry, but you have got to warn a boy before you go making grand romantic gestures like that, Mr. Zimmermann." Bitty's smile turns more teasing than reverential, which makes Jack relax a little. Bitty reaches out and takes his hand, and George is standing right there watching them, and Jack's stomach doesn't twist at all.

"Well, congratulations," George says, soft and warm. "You and I should talk about this more, but right now, I think you two have a victory to be celebrating, don't you?"

"Damn right we do." Bitty gives Jack's hand a squeeze before dropping it. "It was nice to see you again, George. And thank you."

"Thank you both for trusting me," she replies, smiling. "I hope I'll see you here more in the future, Eric?"

"Well, my own season is starting in a couple weeks, and I've got classes and all, but of course I'll make it down as much as I can. You know, next time…"

Jack watches as Bitty weaves his easy southern charm. At twenty-five, Jack certainly has better social skills than he did at nineteen, but he is still confronted at least weekly with people who seem terribly confused that a handsome, athletic, rich man is such an awkward conversationalist. So when they'd first met, Bitty's ability to ingratiate himself to almost anyone was one more thing for Jack to find both enviable and annoying.

Now, as he watches Bitty seamlessly turn the conversation to what baked goods George might most appreciate finding on her desk, Jack is so proud. He's proud of Bitty just for being who he is, and proud of himself for doing whatever it is he's done to deserve this man's love.

When they finally make it out of George's office, Jack feels lighter. The corridor is still fairly busy, and when he glances at Bitty and his heart swells with love, he still feels a vice clamp around it at the thought of most of these people knowing.

But one person in this building knows. She's a start, a very important start. Someday the world will know, and they'll be free.

**Author's Note:**

> [My Tumblr](http://porcupine-girl.tumblr.com)
> 
> Ok, got that out of my head, now back to the four different larger projects I'm supposed to be working on...


End file.
